JOINT BASE LANGLEY-EUSTIS, Va. –
"I never was afraid of him," she said. "I didn't really fear for my life until he had me by the throat in the air telling me 'if I can't have you, nobody can!'"
A victim of domestic abuse, let's call her Jane Doe, forced herself to hide the bruises. The embarrassment was too much for her to handle; she was the daughter of a Marine after all, a good woman dedicated to her marriage. It wasn't meant for her to look the way she did, or to feel the pain she felt.
Unfortunately reality, like her husband, didn't care about what was meant to be.
Jane's relationship with her husband didn't begin violently, and she said she never saw it coming when they first wed. She even dropped out of college to be with her husband.
"At first, it was verbal," said Jane. "He would say I wasn't good enough for him or tell me how I was a bad wife."
When her husband began cheating, she out her foot down. Then it all changed.
"I confronted him about his adultery," she said. "He thought a woman was supposed to be silent and obedient, so he started beating me to keep me quiet."
Jane didn't want to divorce her husband due to her beliefs. When she finally contemplated leaving, she felt she wouldn't be able to support herself without his income. Even when she worked up courage enough to leave, reality pushed her down again.
"After I finally felt able to leave him, I found out I was pregnant with my first son," she said. "I knew I could barely support myself if I left him, let alone a baby boy."
Having the baby gave her husband fuel to justify her suffering. Jane said he repeatedly told her that if she left, she would tear apart their family.
More than once, Jane recalled holding the baby in one hand while fighting her husband with the other.
Jane gave birth to a second boy, and became periodically homeless to stay away from her abusive spouse. She didn't seek help at first, only confiding in a close friend. Jane said she couldn't face the embarrassment of having the community know of her and her husband's problems, especially when the community viewed her husband so highly.
"He was a really good worker," said Jane. "His friends would see him bring me flowers and see us like the epitome of a happy couple."
Neighbors would call police after hearing crashes and yelling from the house, and the couple's problem became more transparent at the husband's office.
Eventually, her story was leaked to local media.
"One morning I woke up and there, on the front of the newspaper, was a picture of me with my babies," said Jane. "The headline was about how I was being abused - now everyone knew."
Through tears, Jane explained the feeling of total embarrassment. At this point, Jane felt she could no longer love herself.
For six years after Jane finally left her husband, Jane slowly but surely put together her shattered life. She worked three jobs and volunteered at a woman's shelter.
Two years ago, her husband apologized for what he did. Finally, Jane feels she is almost able to love herself again, and is looking forward to finishing her long-overdue college degree.
Regrettably, the story of Jane is not uncommon. According to www.domesticviolencestatistics.org, a woman is assaulted or beaten every nine seconds. Domestic abuse is the leading cause of injury for women - more than rape, car accidents and muggings combined.
To make people more aware of domestic violence, Congress proclaimed October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month in 1989 after the informal observance during the previous two years.
At Joint Base Langley-Eustis, Va., community members are raising awareness via several events scheduled throughout the month of October. Linda Hough, 633rd Medical Group family advocacy outreach manager, and Maj. Shelia Beville, 633rd MDG family advocacy officer, dedicate themselves to preventing cases like Jane's.
"Family advocacy is the military's response to child and spouse abuse," Hough said. "We offer prevention and treatment programs at a professional level."
The youth center is hosting an Awareness Clothesline Activity, Oct. 15, from 4 to 5 p.m. Also, the Russ Child Development Center is hosting a book reading of "Hands are not for Hitting" on Oct. 17 from 10 to 11 a.m.
The Family Advocacy Program works to prevent family violence through public awareness campaigns, leadership training and community education. There are programs and resources within the program to help Service members and their spouses maintain a healthy relationship.
In addition to spousal abuse, the Family Advocacy Program covers child abuse as well.
The program provides Service members with two options in that can aid families with children; Family Advocacy Strength-based Treatment and the New Parent Support Program.
FAST is for those experiencing problems with their family relationships, such as child stress. For those seeking help, there is no documentation to the Service member's medical record, and there are no notifications to command.
NPSP offers professional services to expectant parents and parents of young children. The program offers prenatal classes, parenting classes, infant massage, play groups and support groups. Also, home visits are available to families with the need.
For more information about family advocacy, or for a list of resources available, call the Langley office at 757-764-2427, or call the Fort Eustis office at 757-878-0807.
Picking up the phone can be the first step to stopping domestic violence in the home, but it is often the hardest to take. Jane shared her advice to all who live in fear of seeking help in the face of domestic violence.
"Even when you think no one loves you, someone does," she said. "As long as you keep singing, someone will hear your song and sing back."