LANGLEY AIR FORCE BASE, Va. –
Editor's Note: During the month of February, we will be honoring dual-military couples who work around the hurdles to make their marriage work. This is the third article in the series.
Deployments and temporary duties may not seem like the most likely time and place to meet your life partner, but sometimes these circumstances bring people together.
A TDY to Dhahran Air Base, Saudi Arabia brought Senior Master Sgt. John Elstrom, 71st Aircraft Maintenance Unit assistant superintendent, and Master Sgt. Bethany Elstrom, Flag Administration to commander, United States Joint Forces, Norfolk, Va. together during dancing lessons at the community center.
"She caught my eye, and because she was so pretty I asked her to dance," John said with a heartwarming smile.
At the time, Bethany was sun burned and not much of a dancer but accepted his offer anyway. Soon after, the two spent all their free time together, until the TDY ended and both returned to their respective duty stations, John to Langley and Bethany to Dover AFB, Del.
"Our goal was to see each other every weekend, so we took turns driving four and a half hours to see each other," John said.
After a year of commuting, John heard an advertisement on a local radio station about a Valentine's Day wedding for 100 couples in Virginia Beach. John asked Bethany if she was interested, and she agreed to it so they could begin the process for joint-spouse assignment sooner, she said.
On Feb. 14, 1995 at 7:30 a.m., the soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Elstrom and 99 other couples assembled and recited wedding vows together, Bethany said. John wore a suit, while she wore a simple dress. There was a huge cake for all the couples and a dance floor, and John's supervisor came to take pictures.
"It was definitely a day we will not forget," Bethany said.
Three months after their Valentine's Day wedding, the couple had a traditional church wedding so both of their families could attend and witness their union.
During the last 15 years, the Elstroms have been through several permanent changes of station, as well as numerous deployments and TDYs. Balancing home life and a career can be difficult at times, especially when both individuals are frequently gone, Bethany admits.
"It can be frustrating to come home to a mess, so we hired a maid," John said. "We also take different responsibilities. For instance I'm in charge of the outside of the house, while Bethany maintains the inside."
Differing career fields is another challenge the Elstroms face. It is hard to stay on the career path for advancement without jeopardizing the progression and goals of the other, Bethany said.
"When I applied for this special duty at JFCOM, we knew it would be a career stepping stone for me but John would be starting over again at Langley," Bethany said. "You want to make the right choices to benefit both of you, but sometimes the other person has to sacrifice."
"Communication is critical," she added.
When one is studying in hopes of a promotion, the other will take care of things at home and cook, John said. They try their best to support each other's Air Force careers.
"I try to do the little things for her," John said grinning. "She likes hot tea, so when we're on the same shift I try to make her tea in the morning and at night."
Being understanding is also essential to a successful dual-military marriage. From 2003 through 2008, the Elstroms were stationed at Dyess AFB, Texas, where John's C-130 unit was the most deployed unit in the Air Force.
The distance was tough but having a core group of friends that help take care of matters at home helped a lot, John firmly stated. They also kept in touch by sending lots of e-mails, making phone calls and sending surprise gifts.
Aside from the hardships they face as dual-military couple, there are positive aspects they appreciate.
"No one understands you like another military member," Bethany said. "The long hours and deployments can take a toll on a spouse, but a military spouse truly understands."
The couple keeps their marriage energized by infusing thoughtfulness and romance into their daily routine. After one of John's first trips away when they were newly married, he left sticky notes declaring his love for her everywhere, even inside the stove. Luckily, Bethany opened the stove before she began baking, she joked.
Bethany surprised John when he returned from a deployment from Qatar with a brand new truck. They enjoy surprising each other, she said.
"I try to spoil and pamper my wife as much as possible, and keep her guessing," John said glowing. "I'm always looking for unique ways to tell her I love her."
When the Elstroms have a chance, they set aside time to spend together and enjoy each other's company. The couple concludes, sacrifice, compromise, communication and creativity as the means to a happy dual-military marriage.
Their final word of counsel for other dual-military couples is to take time for each other and celebrate even the smallest accomplishments.